I Can’t
“3 am is the hour of writers, painters, poets, musicians, silence seekers, overthinkers and creative people.
We know who you are. We can see your light on. Keep on keeping on.”
Author Unknown
We teach children to never say the words, “I can’t.” Do we ever reach an age where we are allowed to say those words? Because, frankly, I think I have earned the right.
I have been working on my first book for two years now. Finding Joy is almost ready for an editor, but I have been editing it for so long, a few friends have said, “Oh, I thought you already finished that book.”
Since my Consistency post, I have written almost every day. My intent was to write in the morning every day, so that if something else took my time later in the day, I would have already completed my most important task. Although I have had periods of success with writing in the morning, I have yet to make it a habit and I doubt my ability to make it as a morning writer. Like an alcoholic who wants to quit drinking, I long to be a morning person, but I just can’t make that happen.
As the youngest in my family, I never wanted to go to bed for fear of missing out on something. Back then, I didn’t know FOMO (fear of missing out) would become a psychological condition and I would be the poster child. Not having a bedtime wasn’t a problem until I turned five and had to wake early for school with the rest of the family.
Most nights from age 5-18 I stayed up with Dad to watch the 11:00 news and Johnny Carson. For you Baby Boomers, we often watched through the end of the National Anthem until we saw the snow—the official “time to go to bed” signal. Not surprisingly, I struggled to stay awake in school. Sometimes in high school, I skipped Johnny to study for a test or write a paper. In college, I hung out with my suite mates until they went to bed and then I would sit in the quiet hallway to study or write a paper.
When did I work on my dissertation? You guessed it. Research and writing happened late at night. By 10:00, I would plunge into hyper-focus and write with vigor, counting the hours before time for work. Nearly every paper—including my dissertation—I wrote in the wee hours. Now, as I type, my mantle clock just struck two times, and the sun is not shining through my windows.
Five months ago, I cut out sugar and caffeine. I thought that would fix me. On and off for years, I unabashedly used caffeine as a sleep substitute. Not consuming caffeine and sugar, I thought, would allow me to sleep better and finally get myself on a schedule like normal people. So far, it hasn’t worked. When I set the alarm and wake before my body says it’s had enough sleep, I don’t sleep well because I know the alarm is about to startle me awake and then I nod off in front of my computer. My mother told me and now studies have affirmed her wisdom by proving we get our best sleep from 10pm to 2am, yet that seems to be my natural writing time.
Last fall I read the book Miracle Morning for Writers by Hal Elrod, Steve Scott, and Honoree Corder—twice! The authors recommend setting an alarm, keeping a consistent schedule, and writing first thing in the morning. They suggest first to splash water on your face, brush your teeth, drink water and coffee—if you drink coffee—exercise, shower and then write while you are fresh. Authors Jerry Jenkins and Stephen King suggest similar routines. Jerry says he usually checks his email before he writes so he can then focus on his writing. Now, if I exercise, shower, and check email before I write, I’m ready to eat, which makes me sleepy. My morning writing routine promptly goes out the window.In If You Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Numeroff, I’m the mouse.
I am like an addict who still believes she can drink like normal people. The age-old definition of stupidity rings in my head: “continuing to do what you’ve always done, expecting different results.” Is it possible for me to become a morning writer without going back to an alarm and caffeine and sugar? Or after over 50 years of trying, am I allowed to say, “I can’t?”
Do you have a similar struggle? Please scroll down and share below.
February 8, 2024 @ 5:14 pm
I believe we should accept who we are and enjoy it!
February 8, 2024 @ 10:32 pm
Ha! Thanks, Amy.
February 8, 2024 @ 6:02 pm
Well I am exhausted just reading about your struggle to be a morning person! I’m a morning person. I’ve always been a morning person and staying up late (once a year on New Year’s Eve) just about does me in!!! So! My advice to you is to be you! If it works for you then it works for you Give yourself permission to say “I can’t! I’m happy being a night owl!”
More power to you my friend! I’ll see you sometime soon in the in between hours of the day! Until then…Write on!
February 8, 2024 @ 10:55 pm
Thanks for feeling my pain, Cheryl. It seems life would be easier sometimes if I were a morning person, but thanks for the advice to “be me.” I have been experimenting since January and my schedule has worked for me. It will be interesting to see how it works out for me this weekend as I attend a writer’s conference. For years I complained that organized bike rides and races started at 7:00 or 8:00 in the morning. I appreciate your input.
February 8, 2024 @ 8:15 pm
I get it. I have accepted the fact that there are morning people and there are night people. Neither can explain it to the other in a way to make them understand.
I am a night person and although work tried to turn me into a morning person, night person always came back on the weekends and vacation.
Who knows. You may find that night writer comes out at 2:00 am. Either way, continue writing.
February 8, 2024 @ 10:40 pm
You hit the nail on the head when you said, “I have accepted the fact that there are morning people and there are night people. Neither can explain it to the other in a way to make them understand.” And I will forever remember when your sister Karen said to me,
“I go to bed early . . . Early in the morning.”
Yes, I HAD to be a morning person five days a week for my first 30 year career. Now that I don’t HAVE to set the alarm for 5:00 am most days, my body is almost always on vacation mode. Thanks for relating, Kim.
February 8, 2024 @ 8:20 pm
Joy: My mom and sister (who were your Aunt Marge and cousin Carolyn) and our Great Auntie Ella had long conversations well after midnight. They would even start or work on sewing projects at that late hour. I think your night-owl tendencies run in the family. Keep up the good writing in those early morning hours!
February 8, 2024 @ 10:43 pm
I didn’t know they would start projects after midnight. That’s funny! I do remember dad calling grandma and aunt Marge after the news or after a Tigers game. He told me he knew they would be up. Thanks for sharing.
February 9, 2024 @ 7:36 am
I learned early on as “paperboy” in Detroit to go with the flow. Afternoon edition or early Sunday morning, it took what it took to get the job done.
Later in life various jobs required staying up long hours or overnight and even work at the North pole where the sun never completely set in the summertime that created chaos for my natural sleep cycle.
The short and long of it is that it’s doubtful if one can die from lack of sleep , so sleep when you want to or when you can. A simple wording change to “I will “ allows freedom to the creative process to do its own thing in due time .
February 9, 2024 @ 11:13 am
What a great concept, Tim. “I will.” That’s way more positive. Thanks for sharing the story about being a paper boy. I’m sure people who work 2nd shift or 3rd shift have the same struggles. Thanks for reading and commenting.
February 9, 2024 @ 10:34 am
Night owls unite !
I wake with good intentions but find I’m kicking into high gear later in my days. I do not sleep well when an alarm is set. I’m thankful for all the years I’ve been able to just wake up on my own, go to work, and stay up until whatever wee hours I wanted/needed. Retirement has proven to be wonderful as I can do as I please.
Don’t say “I can’t”I stead say “I can write every day, even if the day has turned to night ” !! As a creator you have to do things when you are most creative!!
As always I loved this story
February 9, 2024 @ 11:10 am
Ha! Love it! Thanks for sharing your story. Yes, I don’t call it a day until I go to bed. The after midnight hours of writing get counted for the previous day. Thanks for the encouragement and kind words. Looking forward to reading some of your writing. Write on, my friend. Write on!
February 9, 2024 @ 1:09 pm
Since I have an inherited sleep disorder (mild, fortunately!), I’d fall asleep listening to the adults talk around the dinner table. Daddy would almost invariably fall asleep reading me the bedtime worship story. I had no problem falling asleep at 9 and during high school and college consistently woke up at 4 to read, get ready, practice the organ at 5:30 (no competition for practice time at that hour!) and maybe study. I’d still fight sleep in class, often. Could easily take a 10-20 minute nap after lunch to refresh and then head to class. Car rides I’d also invariably fall asleep. One time as a teen riding with my sister and brother in law for a camping trip, I heard my toddler nephew beside me saying, “Aunt Julia, you could hear me better if your eyes were open!!” It’s one of my best memories from this crazy sleep disorder! The other is when my husband and I were driving home from a family gathering and I heard him say, “That’s okay, I can talk to myself! I’m pretty good company!”
February 9, 2024 @ 10:12 pm
Glad you have been able to make light of a serious thing. Glad it is a mild case, but a frustrating disorder for sure. Love the lines:
“Aunt Julia, you could hear me better if your eyes were open!!” and “That’s okay, I can talk to myself! I’m pretty good company!”
Thanks for a good laugh. I think you should write some of your stories down. You have some good ones.
Thanks for sharing these with us.
February 10, 2024 @ 8:09 am
That was funny to read since I lived your late night habits when we were roommates!
February 10, 2024 @ 9:17 pm
Ha! You remember me sitting in the hall? Too funny.
February 10, 2024 @ 9:55 pm
I have never been a morning person. I worked midnight to 8am. Was awake almost all day taking care of the preschoolers. I got about 2 hours of sleep during their nap time. This went on for 20 years. After I retired, I couldn’t sleep more than 4 hours a night. Now I go to bed at 11pm and am up by 5:30 or 6 am. I workout to the TV at 7am and have most of my email and computer stuff done by 8am. I probably won’t ever be able to stay in bed for a full 8 recommended 8 hours. You do whatever works for you. You know how your body works.
February 12, 2024 @ 1:19 am
Sharon! Thanks for sharing your story. A momma’s work is never done, especially a momma of nine! You are one amazing woman. You wrote: “You do whatever works for you. You know how your body works.” Thanks for the advice. Funny, I truly thought I would get back on “first shift” this weekend because I went to a writing conference. I couldn’t sleep. Somehow I still stayed awake during the sessions and on the 3 hour drive home. Here I am at 1:00 am still going strong. It’s kinda cool to know you are not only a night owl, but an energizer bunny too. You do you too!
February 11, 2024 @ 12:57 am
It is a struggle to be productive and disciplined when we get away with pushing to the late nights. This is a lifetime problem here too, and I simply have to have a routine, with a place outside of the home comfort zone. When I found myself a couple regular office hours, away from home, with my special chromebook, I was caught by surprise by the productivity. I began looking forward to it. One way i made it happen was reminding myself I would be done working by around 1 or 2 pm (I’m an English adjunct) and I could waste weekends and late nights watching TV. Usually documentaries on the space program and YouTube, and it’s glorious. Good luck, Joy!
February 12, 2024 @ 1:23 am
Great to hear I’m not alone. Love hearing your story. Thanks for sharing, Curtis. Good luck to you as well.
February 12, 2024 @ 1:20 pm
Love that image across the top! Oh and nice blog.
February 13, 2024 @ 1:19 am
Thanks, Kathy! I appreciate you reading and commenting.
February 19, 2024 @ 7:59 pm
Retiring from teaching has been a challenge with a new schedule and routine. After having a routine for 30 years, getting up early, at school by 7am, home in time to fix dinner, then after dinner on the computer or preparing for the next day. I was always exhausted, so I fell asleep fast and slept well. Now, no special time to be anywhere! I now understand why you got in your camper when you retired, and took off across the country for 4 months!
So, I get up with Tim, my husband, as he’s retired but found another job as bell captain at Barnsley. He leaves for work, I watch David Jeremiah and get spiritually fed for the day. I stay busy 4 out of 5 work day mornings by also walking 3 miles uphill with neighbors. Then breakfast, shower, and figure out what to do. It’s only 10am!
I choose to serve any way I can, by working at a mission store, afterschool bible club, and feeding program at church. I wasn’t sleeping well, so a book by Christian author, Jennie Allen, called “Get out of your head” has helped immensely. Satan can get into your head causing you to worry about stuff and steal your joy.
I’m figuring out this new routine, and I expect you will figure out what works best for you. We are all different, with different things that occupy our time. If you write better at 2am, go for it! I’ll think about you when I wake up at 2am for no reason what so ever! You’ve got this, Joy!
February 20, 2024 @ 7:30 pm
If you’re a night person, celebrate and write at night! You’ll most likely find you have lots of company. I am not a morning person, and think that anything that starts before 10 a.m. is too early (and even that hour is borderline too early). Finding out that a job required one to appear at 8 a.m. or earlier was true punishment (and college classes that started at 7 a.m. were pure torture!) I’m just happy that era is over now. And like your relatives, I have no problems starting a new task after dinner.
February 21, 2024 @ 12:48 am
Thanks, Sheryl. Celebrating our late night inspirations seems to be the consensus among us night owls. For now, I am embracing it. I write when I can write. I agree with the “that’s too early” thing. I always struggled to stay awake in my 8 am college classes and I’m so grateful that for the most part, I do not have to wake up early. Good to know you are a fellow night person.